Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
