Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
