Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize