tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
