Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
