I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
