They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
