Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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