You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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