You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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