she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
