This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize