Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
