best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
