Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
