im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
