my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
