Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sorry my hands just texted you
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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