how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
