worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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