What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
