she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize