the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think people are normalizing furries
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
