in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
