Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
