I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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