Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
