I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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