How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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