that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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