honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
