I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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