oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
