Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
