i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
