I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
