I think my fart just growled at me.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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