He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
