A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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