I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
