remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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