I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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