Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
