One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
