the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I intend to get homeless drunk
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
