I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
