No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize