Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
