i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
