im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
