i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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