I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
