The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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