i wish my penis had a tongue
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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