I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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