Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
