i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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