You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
