i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I deserve this hangover.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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