I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
