She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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