I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
