Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
