If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize