i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
