New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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