so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
