Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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