i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
