There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A+ Viking dick
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
