oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
