atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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