my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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