you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
